Giving up the Joke
by Amledo
Summary: The Joker is suffering post Arkham, he can't find himself. OOCness but I think tragic Joker needs to be explored. Batman/Joker in a very light sense of the term.


(A/N: So, totally OOC but I just wanted to play with the Joker if Arkham helped him. If he just couldn't deal with it anymore. I guess Nolanverse, but really it's just kind of out there. Reviews are love. But if you don't like Joker/Batman and if you are going to say its OOC I won't accept your review as legit. Okay. I don't own it but here it is.)

Giving up the Joke

It was raining, lightning streaked across the sky and thunder rang out, hollow in his ears, close yet far away. He wasn't himself that night, and though he could feel the soft wetness of the rain rolling over his body, he wasn't really there. No one had told him, that life could get so hard, complicated even. Simplicity had slipped away from him, fallen from his grasp and he mourned for it like a lost pet, once beloved and never again to be his. As the rain washed over him he wiped his face, grinning miserably as white face paint bled over his fingers. He crouched next to a puddle and splashed his face, scrubbing it clean.

It was something that he rarely did, but it didn't bother him, not any more, not much of anything bothered him anymore. He leaned against a Dumpster, his eyes closed, he was lost and he didn't know his way back, but it wasn't Gotham that had him lost, it was his heart and mind. It felt odd to smile, strange to breathe, his own skin did not seem to fit just right. The Clown Prince of Crime, they called him, Harlequin of Hate, Jester of Death, all such names that he could not place to his face as he leaned over, staring at his distorted reflection in the puddle.

He laughed gently, broken, false, worse than it had ever been before. He closed his eyes and shook his head, that wasn't who he was, not at the moment at least, he wasn't the Joker that night. But not being the Joker, he didn't know who he was; after all, he had no other name, no secret personality. That was why he was so messed up, he just didn't have a name for his face or his thoughts, and he was disconnected and displaced. At that point he knew that he wasn't going to find his way back to the reality that he had so loved.

Being a criminal, it had been fun, had made him happy. All of that had lost its luster, the world didn't sparkle, didn't glisten with potential like it once had for him. What was wrong? He didn't know, didn't care, not really. The world didn't need him, plenty of other criminals to do his job once he was gone. Not like he mattered to anyone, his thugs were just mindless followers; they would join someone else once he was gone. Gone, he wanted to be gone, dead to the world as he was to himself. He had knives in his pockets, lots of sharp knives. How hard would it be to end it? Really, how hard would it be to slash his own throat?

"Just one thing to do first…" he said gently, startled by the weak sound of his own voice. The one person who had ever seen him as a threat, given him respect as an enemy. There was one person that he didn't feel empty thinking about or talking to or fighting, the Batman. The Joker wanted to at least say good bye to his favorite adversary, to tell him that he had won. He sighed, annoyed at feeling so human, at wanting to cry, he hated the feeling. But tears pricked his eyes anyway. He wondered at what had gone wrong as he set off in search of the Caped Crusader.

It never took long; Batman always knew when the Joker was looking for him. Raising his hands in a gesture of harmlessness the Joker smiled at his enemy, it made his heart a little lighter to see him. The Batman leaned his head curiously to the side; it was probably because he wasn't wearing makeup at least the Joker hoped that he couldn't see the tears.

"What is it Joker?" Batman stated at last and the Joker laughed nervously, he smiled at Batman, but it hurt to do so. At last he shook his head and allowed himself to frown, allowing himself to sob. As long as he was going to be dead, he didn't care how he looked to his enemy, it wasn't like he had ever cared before, no reason to start now.

"Wanted to say bye Batsy. Didn't think that it would be right to leave you wondering what had happened to me."

"Are you leaving town?"

"You could say that, I guess. Leaving everything really."

"I don't understand Joker…"

"You do understand, I know you do, you are too smart not to. I'm tired of being alive Bats."

"Wait, Joker, you can't."

"It isn't on your hands; I can't stand it anymore, okay? I'm leaving by my own choice, my own hand."

"Please, don't," Batman said and the Joker's head snapped up. It sounded as broken as his own. But why would Batman care that he was going to die? Wasn't that a load off of his shoulders? Just to know that the Joker was going to be gone.

"Why? You can't be serious, Bats you hate me, it would make your life easier," the Joker hated the sound of his own voice, though he didn't know why. It hurt worse than anything to stand there and say that to the Dark Knight. But there it was on the taller man's face, pain, sorrow, something akin to loss in the dark brown eyes.

"It would do no such thing. I don't hate you, insane clown. Can you tell me, just why, really why…"

"I'm just not me anymore, depressed I guess. Tired all around of hurting you and, well I just wanted to end it," the Joker smiled and it felt strangely real to look at Batman and say it, to admit depression, to smile. Batman had always fixed the problems, had always made him feel a little better about himself. It was a weird thing to say, weird to think.

"Joker, it gets better. You find your way back to the real world. It just takes time. Please, stay, for me?" Batman said, finding himself almost breathless, he would stop the clown from killing himself, even if that meant admitting his darkest secret. The Joker smiled it was unreasonable for Batman to be so compassionate. He sighed and took a step closer to the Batman, reaching out to him, placing his hands on his shoulders and smiling. Before Batman could stop him, the Joker leaned up and placed a kiss on his lips. But instead of pushing him away, Batman pulled him closer, kissing him deeply, brushing the Joker's tears away. The Dark Knight held the broken clown close and sighed, it didn't feel so bad, having it out in the open, maybe he wouldn't have to tell the man just how long he had been wanting him in his arms.

"I'll stay, Bats, I'll stay. But I'm just not the Joker anymore. I can't do that," the Joker said gently as Batman pulled his face up, brushing at the tears and kissing him all over his cheeks.

"It's okay, you don't have to be the Joker for me to love you," Batman told him and the men smiled at one another.

"You've always made me want a normal life," Joker admitted, and accepting the heartbreakingly tender kisses that his Batsy placed against his lips.

"So be Jack for me," Batman said delicately as he held the small man close. He knew the man before Arkham, knew who he really was and he wanted him back. Funny how the first trip to Arkham had made him the Joker, and the second had made him Jack once more, could a third bring the Joker back? Batman didn't want to know.

(A/N: Well there it was, no flames based on Pairing or OOC. Otherwise, reviews are love. Thanks for reading. If you truly want to know where this ends up going (how they live together and Jack being reformed works) maybe I'll post another chapter.


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